Catch-22

Have you guys ever read the book Catch-22. It’s pretty interesting. The book is about a guy during World War II name Yossarian. The dialog in it seems to go in circles but makes sense once you get to the end. It’s on of those books that just makes me want to write my own book, which I plan on doing.

Who actually invents card games? Who sits down and has the time to decide what a joker is worth? Just wondering, because that was really bothering me.

This year in football the Bears are going to win it all. Brian Urlacher is going to be the MVP and my Bears will have their first Super Bowl win since ‘85.

Really now.

Did Abraham Lincoln start making the first Lincoln logs. If anybody could find that out it would be good.

Guess what? The U.N. tried to kill itself, they found poison gas from Iraq in one of the closets. You open it up, knock of a container that breaks, read the label, and then proceed to scream “Holy Shit!!!!” That is the safest approach I can think of.

I got a Foreigner CD and they are pretty good. My favorite song by them is “Juke Box Hero”.

I also got a new Journey CD. I love “Don’t Stop Beleivin’” and I love it when amateurs sing it, but I hate baseball cards. Adam West has to be one of my heroes.

I have some fun facts for you.

Fun Facts (In an ultra awesome voice)

Blondes have more fun but only on Wednesdays from 3-7

Real men don’t acually were pink… they snort it.

Chuck Norris walked down the street with a massive erection and their were no survivors.

Having the Eye of the Tiger is illegal because Tigers are endangered.

Hobbes is actually a figment of Calvin’s imagination.

Humpty Dumpty’s death is much more brutal than the song, in fact he bled to death before they could get his skull back together. Tough break old buddy.

We aren’t actually the champions.

If you stop believing we will kill you.

The two most common things for twelve year old boys to be afraid of is failing Algebra 1 and nuclear annihilation.

Ouch…

my brain hurts. I don’t know why, it just does.

I got a new cd, though. It is the Greatest Hits of Genises. It’s pretty cool, but they have some pretty weird songs. I like weird, though. I will be getting guitar lessons sometime, that will be real cool when I do. My friend and I plan on going to Chicago and trying to get a living while trying to get some music gigs. After Chicago we will probably just travel around a bit looking for jobs and gigs. We will probably end up dead or homeless, but we will be homeless drunks that tried to make it big and failed, just like Brittany Spears. Oooops, that was mean. Did you hear that she’s a lesbian now. Crazy huh. Who would have thunk that a sex crazed, drunk, slut would ever turn lesbian, until they deprived her of sex. Then she turned to women. I personally think she would do anything; sheep, cattle, and maybe even large dogs. Damn, have you ever seen her deep throat a whole turkey before… now I’m just being mean. If she offered it to me, well, she would probably be drunk. Wait a minute, that’s all the time.

Enough celebrity bashing, it’s too easy it’s not even sport anymore because they all act like whores. I don’t really like our society now, but I will have to deal with it.

Ah School, we meet again.

School has started. The rat race is on. Over the last couple weeks I have gone very pessimistic for some reason. Our society is falling down the fucking tubes and going to school has just solidified that. I think that our society will collapse like Rome, but I am not going to bore you with my thoughts on that. Woops too late.

Their are a bunch of rednecks and preppy people at my school for some reason. This is the smallest school I’ve ever gone to with only 60-70 people in my class (and it is one of the biggest.) Our school is divided into cliques though. I walk up on the first day and I see people dressed in black standing together, nerds standing together, rednecks standing together, and preppy people standing together. It was weird. At my last school most everybody was friends and we didn’t really have cliques.

Also a difference is that the last school I went to it was mostly black and mexican people (please don’t get offended but I didn’t know a better word and I don’t care if you get offended.) I was the only Native American kid their.

School also brings back athletics and I am sorrer (I don’t care if that’s not a word, I hurt a lot and my brain is idled) than a whore after a frat party. Oh, I hurt but I don’t really care because I need to get in shape and not be a lazy bum.

Sincerely yours,

You’re friendly neighborhood (sore) bacon man

Bacon, the snack that smiles back if you’re stoned.

Went to the Lake.

We went to the lake for a couple days before school starts. It was fun but I don’t really like the lake. We met Reginald Bear and he bit my brother multiple times. It was hilarious. Reginald Bear (a.k.a. me) is a bear that we met that would sneak up upon my brother and bite him. It was all very fun indeed. In the next couple days I start school in some hick school with 40-60 people per class. I hate rednecks. Huh, can’t tell you how much I hate them. We will see if I don’t offend one of them with my fancy more than one syllable talk and get kicked out. I hope I do.

I’m gone.

Yesterday I moved to Tulsa, Oklahoma. It’s a strange sensation being away from the place I’ve called home for two and a half years and not being able to go back. I made so many good friends their I miss it already.

On a lighter note I saw on Comedy Central a commercial for the Fox Reality Channel. It will be the first channel ever that is dedicated just to reality television. That’s all Fox is anyway because the only thing people watch on it is American Idol. In my opinion American Idol should be scrapped and reruns of The Simpsons Season 3-8 (because that was when it was really funny) should be put in it’s place.

I’m baaaaaaaaaaaaaack

I’ve always wanted to say that. I just got back from Chicago. It was really cool. We got to tell people about Jesus, chop down trees, get poison ivy, and get beaten at checkers by 8 year olds. We stayed at a university in their dorms but they were not the best ones we had been in. We also got to go to Soldier Field and The Field Museum. The Field Museum was sweet. I have never seen so many stuffed things and stupid theories. Soldier Field was AMAZING!!!!!!!!!! I have been a Bears fan for some years and seeing it was really cool for me. On the drive back we saw the St. Louis Cardinals stadium and the Gateway Arch. That’s my second time to see it but it was still really cool. I am moving in about 5 days to Tulsa and I don’t really look forward to it but their is not stopping it now. I might right again tomorrow…maybe.

Sweet Mother of Innocent Eskimos

I was thinking today about animal liposuction. Wouldn’t that be crazy. You walk over to you’re neighbors house and you ask “Where’s Bill?”

And then his wife answers “He went to the vet to get the cat liposuctioned.”

Wouldn’t that just creep you out. I was also thinking about Paris Hilton and her stupid little chihuahu. I imagine she talks to it and says stuff about how she wishes she was as skinny as the dog. The dog is just sitting their thinking how much he hates her and how much of a fucking retard she is. I don’t know why I was thinking about this but I was.

Also what happens if I wrote about taking illegal immigrants over the border in my car (if I had one.) Would you have to call the police and say “Well I was reading this man’s blog and he said something about taking Cubans here on a boat.”

“What’s his name?”

“Ummmm, Bacony Goodness.”

That would be so bad ass if the name Bacony Goodness got put on a federal watch list. I would feel so good. My Dad is on one of those watch lists. Whenever we go to the airport he always gets searched extra. He used to always get strip searched but they stopped doing that to him. I personally think that everybody should leave except for Native Americans and stroodle makers. I like stroodle.

Just kidding because America would be a very boring place without immigrants. We wouldn’t have Chinese food, Mexican food,  Italian food, and Sushi (I like food.) Do you know what’s funny though. I like food a lot and eat a ton of it but never gain or lose weight. Strange huh?

Punk??

Think of the word punk. What does it mean to you. To me it means a bunch of crappy shit that people put out to seem punk. Look at Hot Topic, they call themselves punk but their is nothing punk about them. You walk in and get your odd assortment of black clothes and crappy t-shirts that are way overpriced. Now walk over to the music section. I don’t know were they get the guts to call that shit “music” but it’s not. They play it in their store too. Holy shit it makes me want to tear my brain out and beat the cashier with it, but I can’t do that because it is not their fault they’ve been brainwashed by the reputed “punkness” of emo’s and their god awful music. It all sounds the same. Why must I hear another guy screaming in the background while the guitar riff sounds like it was written by a four year old. Originality is going away for some odd reason. It makes me sad. The reason for this is because my girlfriend and me were at the mall and she dragged me into Hot Topic for five minutes of torture. Oh sweet mother of chocolate basketball’s I hate that place.

Nickname

I was thinking I should have a cool nickname. First I thought about The Edge, but dang, the stupid guy from U2 seems to have stolen my name. Maybe if I write him a song he will let me use his name. Probably not though, that selfish Irish punk. He probably kills and eats leprachauns for fun. I rather like leprachauns, with all their trickery and gold. That is the life huh? Running around tricking people and knowing you have a bunch of gold tucked away at the edge of some rainbow. When I was in 5th grade I convinced everybody I was a leprachaun because I was really small and fast. So at recess they tried to catch me and demand gold and such. Whenever they caught me I just kicked them in the nuts and hauled my small butt away. The new Harry Potter movie is coming out and you know what that means… more money for J.K. Rowling. Woohoo!!!!! It’s my favorite time of the year. Now on a totally different note. Have you guys ever heard the song Feeling Groovy by Simon and Garfunkle. That song is amazing, it just makes me want to stand up and yell yay!!!! It makes me feel so happy. Feeling happy is always fun.